The Trial of Us

This week's topic was preparing for marriage. Now what young single adult in college loves to hear about this? It's not like we hear about it everyday or see half of our Facebook/Instagram pages are filled with engagement pictures. Congratulations to all of my friends, recently married and engaged! They are added to my mental list of people I look up to and examples of what I someday want in a marriage. (Please, give me some time though!) Each marriage has a different story! Some people grow up knowing each other their whole lives-high school sweet hearts-marry. Others meet in college, blind dates, or even those old fashion stake dances. And the classic, "we met at Ricks college, we were in the same ward, engaged and married in 4 months before the next semester, had 5 kids and bought a mini van." Okay that may not always be the case, but does it happen? Solid, yes.

I would say that there are 4 necessary steps that should take place before the actual marriage. #1 Dating, obviously. How do you expect to meet people and find out what interests you if you don't date!? The term 'dating' has changed through the years. Dating to me means, you and a person of the opposite sex go out on a planned activity where you get to know each other and learn about each other's skills/abilities. Yes dating and hanging out are completely different. Dating or going on dates with other people, you may have interest in that person or you date casually. Casual dating is more generally in the high school times until you are dating with an eye towards marriage. (Generally around your young adult years, 18+). I encourage not to start dating or going on dates until 16. Not just because it's what we are taught in the church, but also because around that age teenagers are more maturely ready. Steady dating or pairing off is when two people are exclusive. Maybe it's Facebook official! Most of the time when steady dating, you are looking for someone with those interests and personality traits you like. 

If you are familiar with the RAM (Relationship Attachment Model), you will understand that there are steps in an actual relationship that should occur before the step of marriage, and quite honestly, before engagement. Know>Trust>Rely>Commit>Touch. This model made so much more sense after seeing it! I have heard briefly what it is from some friends who took a previous class about it. We talked more briefly about the model and thought of these terms on a scale. When the last term is higher, the other terms decrease. If there is too much relying on someone, you may be too into the physical aspect. Do not forget how important it is to KNOW someone in a relationship! Dating is an opportunity to see someone's intentions, their skills, their personalities in so many different situations. It can also be fun! Focusing on the 'getting to know' someone before you trust them, rely, commit to them, and get involved physically is so vital to a healthy relationship.

The prefix word of courtship is court meaning a trial. Not a trial like a burden or hardship, but trying it out to see how it goes. Sometimes this step before marriage is skipped and unnoticed. This is where the steady dating comes in. You and another person who like each other, have similar interests and know each other pretty well decide to try it out and become exclusive. Now everyone knows why there are always pictures of you two on Facebook, it's official! *status: "in a relationship with..." After some time of courtship, it's about time for the big word you see on your news feed. "We're engaged!" The actual engagement should be a special event between a man and woman who are in love and want to be with each other forever, for eternity. The actual proposal does NOT have to be big news just to show to the whole world there is now a ring. The man should be committed to marrying the girl way before she knows. The engagement is when the man PROPOSES the idea of marriage. Not just putting on a big show when you have already gone ring shopping, planned the whole wedding before even talking to the parents. Don't skip that step either. 

When they say, "you don't just marry the one person, you marry the whole family," they are right! How does that person fit in your family system? How do you fit in their family system? There are too high of expectations in marriage. There the ideal of marrying into the perfect family, but that does not always happen. Girls dream of a fairy-tale wedding with sparklers, a Cinderella dress, and extravagant get-a-way to the Bahamas. A marriage between a man and woman should be well planned out, prepared, and prayed out to the Lord. He cares a lot more about your marriage than you do. Love is a tough subject. God's love is not. It is infinite and everlasting. Base your marriage on the teachings and doctrine of His Son's teachings and your marriage can last for eternity. Turn to Him and trust that He will protect your marriage.